He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
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