Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
