How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
