I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
