you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
