yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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