I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
