just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'm too high and old for this...
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
