we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
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