I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
