Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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