We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
