I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
