just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
