Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
