Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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