Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Who died my cat blue again?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
