ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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