and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
