I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
