he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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