I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
