i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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