I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
