If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
