I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize
