that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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