so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
