Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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