I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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