I puked a lego.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
