I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
