i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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