A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
