Fuck appropriateness.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
