...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
