i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
