My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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