remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize