I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
