Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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