I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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