My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
