I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
