literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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