You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
