just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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