Apparently you make a good broom.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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