I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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