he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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