i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
