anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
