Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
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