I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
