so that wasnt chicken after all
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
