he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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