mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
