Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
