Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
