I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Randomize
