Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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