he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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