This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
