It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
