She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Rumble strips road head = magical
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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