go do what you do best...puke behind churches
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
