Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
