cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
