We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
