so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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