hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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