Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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