Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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