let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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