exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
