Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
