Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize