The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
