His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
