happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
