Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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