i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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