please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
handjob tips. give me some.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
