My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize