The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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