Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
