I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
