dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
