Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
