Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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