fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Randomize
