Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
