Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
