Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
