It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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