I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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