are you so shy because you have an std?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
