Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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