I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
