are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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