there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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