Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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