That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
