Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
