My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize