It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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